I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize