I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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