wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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