my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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