apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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