Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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