So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
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After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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