I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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