don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize