Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
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jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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