you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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