I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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