I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i will never coherently bang her
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I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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