Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize