I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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