Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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