This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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