He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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