I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize