Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize