We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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