Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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