yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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