So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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