and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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