Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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