so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Im part way to drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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