corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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