she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize