you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I looked at my own cervix.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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