How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize