Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize