My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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