My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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