last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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