I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize