are you so shy because you have an std?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize