a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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