you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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