First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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