My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize