I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize