I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize