I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize