i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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