U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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