You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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