Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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