im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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