Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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